Posted by
Scottie on Monday, July 28, 2008 7:50:52 AM
Once upon a time, in a realm situated in the middle portion of the kingdom of the United States, in a borough known as Charleston, in the shire of Illinois, lived a princess. In the fullness of time by dint of great effort, the princess steeled herself in preparation for a great odyssey, a quest for dominion over the ten year old progeny of the ruling class in a kingdom far, far away. The princess commanded her serfs and maidservants to prepare her belongings for a journey of many miles over vast terrain and departed on her steed in advance of her caravan to prepare the way. Some of the staff celebrated the princess’ departure while others wept at her loss. Most of them merely grumbled at the oppressive heat that settled upon the shire while the work of loading her considerable estate commenced.
It fell to an unlikely pair, an Ogre and a Hobbit, to shepherd the vast cargo to the princess’ new dominion in the borough of Houston, in the vast shire of Texas. With cunning and luck, the caravan avoided the dreaded mid-summer downpours that spotted the land and arrived to survey the princess’ new castle and to provision it with her vast belongings. An entire day was spent unpacking and moving and arranging and installing until verily the castle became a home and haven for the princess. Exhausted, the Ogre and the Hobbit took their leave and departed to find accommodations for the night.
As another day of oppressive heat bloomed over the strange new land, the Ogre and the Hobbit conspired to bestow house warming gifts upon the princess. The Hobbit visited the local bazaars and spent the morning gathering gifts for the princess until her magic card of commerce verily smoldered. With the caravan again loaded to capacity, the duo returned to the castle, stopping for sustenance along the way. A feast of strange food called Tex-Mex was served and they ate heartily in order that they be sustained for their final day of service to the princess. The princess delighted in the gifts the Hobbit had gathered and while the Ogre tended to the camels in preparation for their journey, the Hobbit and the Princess further embellished the new castle.
The work at an end, and the princess settled, the Hobbit and the Ogre took their tearful leave and bade the princess farewell. At that time there was a rumor in the land that in another borough of the vast shire of Texas, lived a legendary figure known by many names. Strange names: Jam Apple Jimmy, Jimmy Carter, and Jimmy the C were bandied about and the Ogre and the Hobbit agreed that they should seek out this mystical figure given their proximity. Venturing boldly forth to the borough of Ft Worth they sought out this Great Knight of Texas, abandoning doubt and quelling their fears with another round of savory Tex-Mex provisions.
They travelled the vast open expanses of the shire of Texas, alternately bored with the vast nothingness and dazzled with the expansive and bejeweled borough of Dallas. Alas, a travelling minstrel show known as the Junior Olympics had descended upon the borough of Ft Worth and there was no room for the Ogre and the Hobbit at the inns there, so they journeyed on to an ancient and decrepit hovel far, far away and spent a night of fitful sleep anticipating their audience with the Great Knight of Texas the following day.
And lo the roads of Ft Worth are many, and the caravans move fast there, with many a way for one to go badly wrong. And so did the Ogre and the Hobbit go as did the First Doctor of the Shining City who had come before them. Alas the Ogre in desperation summoned the Great Knight with his magic box of numbers and lo he was guided in the proper way to the grand castle of Jimmy C. where a grand reception awaited them both. Placing themselves in the Great Knight’s capable hands, the Ogre and the Hobbit were welcomed as royalty. “We must go on a quest together you and I,” said Jimmy C. “We shall journey to the place of longhorn cattle and Texas Bar-B-Cue known as the Ft Worth Stockyards.” And lo it was made so.
The odd trio journeyed to a carnival befitting the grand shire of Texas, both in its variety and size. Strange animals lowed at them, and the sumptuous aroma of Bar-B-Que wafted through the air. Minstrels and magicians lined the busy streets, as festooned horses and natives of another era plied their offerings to the gathered crowd. And lo there was a bazaar of many shoppes there crying for the Hobbit’s attention and magic commerce card, which had cooled somewhat since the day before. A mighty portion of Texas Bar-B-Que was ordered and consumed as the trio visited one of the famous local establishments known far and wide for its tasty provisions.
Sensing the Ogre’s gathering thirst in the growing afternoon heat, the Great Knight suggested a trip to a local watering hole known throughout the land as “Billy Bob’s,” and a magnificent place it was indeed. It is rumored that the Merle of Haggard once drained a mighty treasury buying a drink for each denizen of the Mighty House of Billy Bob one evening long ago, a feat which had never occurred before nor has it since according to the Scribes and Pharisees of the Book of Guinness. The Great Knight ordered that the sacred elixir of Texas, the Elixir of Shiner Bock be brought forth and served to his honored guests and it was made so, much to the delight of the Ogre. The Hobbit busily searched out the many hidden shoppes hidden within the Mighty House of Billy Bob until even her considerable shopping skills were finally sated.
The Ogre and the Great Knight, previously known to one another only through the spirit world known as the Blogging of Internet had finally met and over a game of skill and chance called “Poole” discussed the many issues that vexed the great kingdom of the United States. Verily they discovered their codes of honor identical and their bond to one another became fast and enduring. Alas the day flew by swiftly and anon it was time for the Ogre and the Hobbit to depart the borough of Ft Worth and leave the company of their honored and gracious host. As they prepared to take their leave of the great shire of Texas, they took great comfort that the princess had staked her future in a wonderful new kingdom in which all of her dreams could come true. Amen, let it be so.
Update:
Now with photo links!!